I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
