I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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