He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
