When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
