the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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