once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
