I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
