Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
