I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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