how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
