My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
