ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
