i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
