She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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