sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize