Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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