Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
