At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
