I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
