Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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