The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
