dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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