I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
