please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
