White coat. Heels.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
