Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
