Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
