; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
