glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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