Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
