Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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