My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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