I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
