i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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