It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
