If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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