And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize