we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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