the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
