Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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