I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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