i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
