I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
