If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
