I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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