Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
