so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I love you. Go after that dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize