in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
