its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
