so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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