yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry about my life...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
