just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
