i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
