I wish my penis had an off switch
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize