I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
