I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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