the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize