we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
