That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We were destined to go to rehab together
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
