I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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