Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
