why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
