Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
