i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm passing your future prison.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize