yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
