Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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