Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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