That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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