P.S. I can't hear my feet
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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