STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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