so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
