Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
