I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
