I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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