he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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