don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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