I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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