did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
