Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
