The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
