I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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