My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
