I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
