Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
