Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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