Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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