The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize