You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
