apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I look better un-naked...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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