I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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