too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
