i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
