idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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