I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
